joy.

Maybe it’s because it’s 1:30 AM….

…but I’ve watched this video at least seven times and am still literally cracking up out loud every time.

 

Here are some of my personal favorites.

“There’s a library a few blocks away that has wi-fi.”

“Okay, cause THIS is a macchiato.”

“PFTTTT.” (laugh out loud EVERY time!)

“That’s gross, must be off.” ….say this more than you would think! And it’s true!

“Ven-t-I?”

“This is just like a new brew method I’ve been tryin’ out.”

“THERE’S NO ‘X’ IN ESPRESSO!”

“That’s a cup of coffee.”

“Actually, I DID know that!” …want to say this SO often!

“There’s a latte DYING on the bar!” ….my FAVORITE. I totally am going to start saying this.

 

You may have to be a barista to get it. But I love this video SO much. I hope it at least brings you a giggle.

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I’m old now.

Okay, I’m not really old. Just sort of. 🙂

This weekend, I turned 20.

Yes, it’s weird. And yes, it does feel a little different.

I had a great birthday weekend, though! I spent my actual birthday sleeping in, working, and then spending the evening at work with my dear Metro family!

I am so, so, so, so, SO blessed to have these guys (and Jim and Myra) in my life! How many people would choose to work and spend their hours off on their birthday at their job? I truly think I have the best job, best bosses, and best coworkers in the world and I am daily grateful for that! We had so much fun that day and these guys took good care of me! There was even a Taco John’s run included post closing. What joy. 🙂

During my shift, my friends Craig and Anthony were in and they made me a birthday present:

I didn’t spend much time at home with my real family on my birthday (oops), but they did get me a microwave. Which is a sign I am getting old. Because that’s what I wanted. It comes in handy in the basement and will be great when I hopefully move into a place of my own within the next few months 🙂

My birthday was on Friday, so Saturday I spent the day with my Sterling College family! My friend Kaitlin also had a birthday earlier in the week, so per tradition we celebrated together with all our friends. My old roommate Kelsey even came back from Nebraska for the weekend! It made my heart so happy to be back with these fantastic women (and Cameron).

First, we did lunch at Carriage Crossing!

These two ladies are two of my best friends. We have been through so much together over the past year and a half, and I truly miss seeing them daily! They say you go to college to find your bridesmaids. And these two definitely make that list. 🙂 Oh, and Cam isn’t too bad of a friend either. 😉

 

After lunch, we went back to Sterling. I was so happy to be back in Parlor!

Of course, we had to go check out Sterling’s new sword in the stone that has been making a buzz throughout the state.

(Yes, that is my dear friend Kelsey wearing footed pajamas….)

After, we had an afternoon/evening of deep girl talk, way too much junk food, and chick flicks!

We attacked Kait’s left over (delicious!) birthday cake…

So blessed to have these ladies in my life!

There was also a late night walk to C-Mart with Kaitlin, Kara, Cameron, and Ethan. It was freezing at midnight in Kansas, so we walked there then called for Brit to come pick us up. 🙂 It wouldn’t have been as bad had we not stopped on the rope swing in front of Campbell for an hour. There are pictures of this too, but I haven’t put them on the computer yet. We had a lot of fun seeing how high we could get each other…I definitely won.

Saturday night was completed with a sleepover with Kelsey and Kaitlin in Kait’s room. We had some late night girl talk between just the three of us. I had to wake up early on Sunday and sneak out to drive back to Hutch for children’s church. But all in all, it was a great weekend with my two “other” families! I am so thankful to have such wonderful people in my life!

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Say So.

I am a firm believer in testifying.

Testifying what God has done in our lives.

Not to brag. But to bring glory to Him and what He is doing in His people!

God has done some big, big, big things in me.

And it’s time for me to say so.

2011 was far from a good year for me.

A relationship that I was just certain would be life-long was finally severed.

My grandpa was in and out of the hospital, and we were finally told that he was in the final stage of his disease.

I began having some weird health problems.

I found out that my roommate and one of my dearest friends would be moving back to Nebraska in the middle of the school year.

Therefore, I made the decision to move off campus and complete school online.

Thus, leaving my friends, leaving the support base, leaving the Godly community I had become part of, and trading it for a lonely life.

Several doors slammed shut in my face as far as missions trips.

And, the last two weeks of my year were spent heartbroken after a hurtful situation.

As the last one is the most recent, this is what I’m going to focus on most right now. I’m not “over” this, as I found out today (the hard way.) But, God is doing some huge things through this situation, and I’m hear to say what they are.

After a serious relationship ended a little over a year ago, I had a very hard time letting go. I was seriously heartbroken by it and couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t work out. I kept hoping that somehow it would.

It didn’t.

I began to slowly pick up the pieces of my life. Slowly begin looking for a direction to go. Slowly began to accept possibilities I hadn’t ever wanted to consider.

What if I’m not getting married right out of college, like I have always planned?

What if I’m going to be single for years?

What if, what if, what if?

I had no idea where to go. No idea if I ever even wanted to try and open myself up to anyone ever again, no idea if I ever wanted to put myself in such a position to get hurt this bad again.

I was finally to the point where I was healing and moving on. It took a while. But God began showing me where my joy needed to come from (Him!) and I was finally becoming content with being single and falling in love with Him before falling for anyone else.

And then.

A really great guy walked into my life. Completely out of the blue, completely unexpected. We hit it off as great friends immediately, spending hours texting, facebook chatting, skyping, talking on the phone, and hanging out when he was able to be in town. Eventually he told me he had feelings for me. We both had some serious baggage coming into this, and I wasn’t ready to let my walls down yet.

Being the great guy that he was, he completely understood that and did not push me at all, telling me to take my time and figure out what is best for me.

As time went on, I eventually decided that I was ready to give this a shot. Ready to open myself up, ready to trust him because he had proven himself trustworthy and was someone I was more than willing to take this risk on.

The very day I planned to tell him that I was ready to go for this, ready to jump in, no more reservations, a girl from his past walked back into the picture and presented her newfound feelings for him. Long story short, by the end of that day (Christmas Eve, believe it or not…) he made the decision to pursue this other girl despite his promises that I was what he wanted and nothing she had to say could change that.

It’s been three weeks and I am still devastated. In fact, today he posted something on Facebook about her and my heart suddenly found itself dropping and I felt sick to my stomach. To be instantly dropped, to be suddenly not good enough, to suddenly have promises I’d been hearing for a couple of weeks broken, to be crushed as SOON as I finally let my walls down…it was NOT a good way to spend Christmas, let me tell you.

I’ve told him that I am happy for him, happy that he is happy and getting the chance to pursue something he has wanted to pursue for a long time. And I am. But….I’m also hurting. Hurting for myself. Hurting for my heart that was broken, hurting for the relationship that proved itself worthy of trying but instead shattered me. My trust was betrayed, whether intentionally or not. And that is something that hurts, even more so when you are learily putting it out there for the first time since a major hurt.

You’re probably wondering how on EARTH this is a testimony to God’s glory. I just said that as of today I was still devastated, so that can’t mean that this is a testimony.

Can it?

Actually, it can. 🙂

This is a testimony in progress. It is not complete. God is working in me currently. And though I don’t see the completed project yet, I see the direction He is taking me.

So. 🙂

At Hastings the other night I discovered a book called “Lady in Waiting” by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. This book is about “becoming God’s best while waiting for ‘Mr. Right.” Page one had me hooked. The second paragraph states that this book “is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman.”

Whoa.

What a smack in the face to somehow who has just been crushed by someone she thought could be “Mr. Right.” As I began asking myself, “am I prepared for that? Am I the woman I should be?” this book answered that question for me almost right away.

The answer is NO.

Page two says that “Happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in a right relationship with God.”

Digging deeply, I discovered that I was consumed with the idea of getting married, having a family, and inevitably being happy. However, this book questioned that idea. I had this idea that I have to be married, have to have someone special in my life in order to be happy.

However, as the book states, “Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.”

I realized right then and there that I could NOT be involved in any relationship until I became truly satisfied in my relationship with Jesus. I had to complete myself as a daughter of God before I could complement that with the man He has for me. We were not made to complete other people. It’s impossible. We are to be complete in Jesus, and complementing each other is our privilege from that.

I am only a couple of chapters in to this book, but it is challenging my way of life. It is forcing me to look at my attitudes, look at my dreams, look at my actions, and look at my plans and compare them to what God truly wants of me and in my life. And honestly, right now they don’t line up.

 

So, here is my testimony.

God is teaching me how to be COMPLETE. How to dream. How to live my life. How to plan for my future. How to seek Him. How to step back and let Him work His magic in my life without interfering.

To God be the glory!

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